I was working as a make up artist at a funeral home this time last year. It was a pretty well known funeral home down here in South Florida, and like most of these establishments, they charge an arm and a leg for all of their services. So, with that being said, our little organization definitely had enough money to be season ticket holders for every sport imaginable.
Sure it sucked to come home smelling like formaldehyde every day, but the job had its perks. One of these said perks was being able to score free tickets to any game you desired. All you had to do was ask. I was able to get tickets to three different games in the 6 months of my working there. One of these games was Florida Marlins vs. San Fransisco Giants, and it just so happened to land on the day of my birthday. I was beyond excited. Sure, I had to sit there and watch as a non-deserving, steroids infested jerk off played, but I was confident that my Marlins would take care of Barry Bonds.
The day of the game, Mario had this “awesome” idea. I am somewhat of an artist, so Mario suggested that I put my skills to the test and create a little poster for Mr. Bonds. Once the poster was complete, I realized that it contained drawings that could have possibly gotten me thrown out of the park. And with me being a MAJOR wuss, I slowly began to back out of taking this poster along with us to the game. In the end, I sucked it up and took along my insulting poster, and hid it proudly in the back of my shirt. (Which was a horrible idea considering we waited outside for 2 1/2 hours in the hot Florida sun, with the weather hitting up to 100 degrees.) When we were finally let inside the stadium, we ran to the front row in hopes of seeing Barry Bonds practice. Mario urged me to call out his name. He didn’t even flinch as I begged for him to just say hello. His team mates did, however, when I yelled out that I wanted to give Mr.Bonds a… kiss.
I was beyond angry that this idiotic loser paid me no attention, on the day of my birthday no less. So, Mario suggested that I reveal my poster to the world, and make sure that Mr.Bonds gets a nice look at it. I went from being this bashful and nervous girl, to being one of the most determined and obnoxious people there. I waved my poster from side to side with a nice big grin to trot. I had a chance to be featured in Channel 10 news, but unfortunately I had a slightly lewd drawing on my poster that kept me from being aired. Barry did see my poster, but like everything else he shrugged it off and “ignored” it. I felt victorious and in the end, my poster was confiscated.
With all the press that was there, I couldn’t help but wonder if anyone snapped a photo of me and my glorious sign. But I sadly I was never able to find anything.
Today, I did a search on that game to get some information for another post I was getting ready to write, and low and behold… there I was; standing gloriously with an enormous grin. It pays to be infamous.
Special thanks to Allen Eyestone from the Palm Beach Post that photographed me on my day. 🙂