My Heart Is In Too Deep

I don’t know any one that loves baseball the way I do. At least not any women that do, any way. Baseball, at this point, has become part of me. It is embedded in my daily life. No longer do I look forward to coming home during the week to watch ‘Family Guy’ or what about the weekend “date night’s” with my husband that I so much enjoyed. No, baseball is all that my heart desires. I have memorized schedules, rosters, and even player birth dates.
When I watch a game, I don’t just watch it… I am in it. I am in the dug out with my team, I am on the field with my players, I am at the plate with the batter. This is why it cuts so deeply when a team I support so much suffers such a tough loss. Sure, I have moments where I verbally abuse certain Florida Marlins players, but all are things said out of frustration and none are things that are truly meant. And yes, I curse like a sailor when a bad play has been made or when an error occurs, but when it all boils down to it, I love the Florida Marlins. These men are more than just my team, they have become family. For the last few months, these men have been in my house- my living room, my bedroom. I have driven distances near and far just to show some support, and whether they win or lose (although my emotions and temperament differ in either instance), I never abandon them. I can proudly stand tall and say that the Florida Marlins are my team.
However, this being the case, it burns me ten times harder when they suffer a loss. And for the last two nights, these haven’t just been typical losses. The Florida Marlins deserved wins. Our offense was amazing, as usual, but our defense has been lacking. Uggla hit two homers in this evenings game alone and our relief pitchers couldn’t hold the win. Our starters do their best, and despite a couple mistakes, they are able to reach a lead in the game. It isn’t until we go to our bullpen that we are eternally screwed.
This evenings game especially took a toll on me. Even when things got tough and I saw everything we worked so hard to achieve crumbling down upon us, I did not have the energy to point the finger or curse uncontrollably. I just sat in silence, nearly to the point of tears. While I hate to admit it, I am easily discouraged. I have tried my best to remain positive, but recent events have depressed me beyond repair. This road trip has been a complete roller coaster ride and has completely toyed with my emotions. After every loss, I find myself searching for a pack of Oreo’s to drown my sorrows in. Five lbs later…. Should I really be this affected or is my heart just in too deep? I feel like I am in an abusive relationship and I don’t want to leave because I am still in love and still hopeful that things will change.
Like a true fan, I will stand by my boys and hope and pray with them so that things will improve. It’s still early in the season and we still have a chance. I’m not ready to give up quite yet, but maybe tomorrow night I should watch a little Family Guy, instead.

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3 Comments

Filed under baseball, Real Life, Sports

3 responses to “My Heart Is In Too Deep

  1. Seriously, you can give up if you want. The Phightins are always looking for a few good people.

  2. lonestarr

    Wow, that was really emotional. It’s cool to see how you how you have changed since I started reading your blog. And I think it is great that your fanhood runs that deep.

    Always be a fan.

  3. Thanks for the comments, guys. šŸ™‚

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